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I have to stay busy——
or my mind will wander
back to every time
they chose someone else.
I have to stay busy
or they’ll forget I exist,
so I burn my future alive,
sacrifice everything
just to be their favorite person
for one more night.
I have to stay busy——
proving I’m worth keeping,
so I give it all away——
my sleep, my sanity, my plans——
just for free fun with them,
just to hear them say my name first.
But busy means absent,
and absent means replaced.
While I’m drowning in work
trying to be enough,
they’re falling in love
with whoever stayed.
I come back broke and bleeding,
having traded my tomorrow
for their temporary happiness,
only to find my spot taken,
my name forgotten,
their new favorite person
sitting in my chair.
I wandered away expecting welcome
I wandered back to nothing.
The cruel math of love:
give everything to keep them
and lose them anyway.