Keep Your Unmedicated Ass Away From Me & Heal in Silence | Vent
I've been dealing with an increasingly difficult situation involving someone from someone who has not been involved in my social circle- let's call them A- for (apparently?) over two years. What started as resolved conflicts from years ago, around two from when I was an admin attempting to investigate a situation, has evolved into what feels like obsessive, disruptive, and abusive behavior that's now affecting not the relationships in our friend group, but their emotional states.
The Pattern
A has been consistently reaching out to mutual friends D and E, seemingly trying to create division between them and my close friend C and myself. The messaging has become nearly daily, always circling back to grievances from a situation that occurred two years ago involving another person, R.
What's particularly frustrating is the selective nature of their anger- they claim to have "resolved" things with R, yet continue to harbor resentment specifically toward C and me. C wasn't even involved- I don't really care what happened between the two of them, but I assume it was also because they chose me, too. Their version of resolution apparently involved listening to a third party, P, rather than direct communication. It's not often I get to a point of frustration anymore, but it's starting to unnerve me how obsessive this person is getting over my best friend and I. Shutting down whenever we're mentioned and leaving calls in order to maintain some form of control over the situation. I should also elaborate that this person kept me in their personal discord for around 2 years on its own, too, so they're also stringing people along for friendships (which is very bizarre behavior)
The behavior I'm witnessing from A is just triangulation, involving third parties to avoid direct communication while maintaining control over social narratives. By reaching out to D and E daily while avoiding direct conversation with me, A is essentially creating multiple emotional battlegrounds where they can control the information flow. People who engage in this behavior struggle with direct confrontation because it requires vulnerability and genuine accountability- none of which they actually want. Instead, they create elaborate social chess games where they can maintain a sense of power without risking genuine resolution. A lot of the time, they never reach out to the person in the beginning, or "conveniently" forget about it (the latter is what happened to me.)
The Manipulation
A has been telling D and E that they've "chosen sides" when both have repeatedly stated they haven't. This kind of forced binary thinking is exhausting for everyone involved. Yesterday, I finally sat down with E and shared the actual message exchanges between A and others, providing context they hadn't received before.
The Real Issue
The core problem seems to be A's need for attention through conflict. They've told everyone except me about their issues with me, which suggests this isn't really about resolution - it's about maintaining drama. When I previously addressed their behavior directly, breaking down their actions point by point, they seemed unable to respond constructively.
I'm Moving Forward
I've chosen the higher road around a year ago- I've showed all my messages between A and P to said friends and they can form their own opinions. It's crazy, because A hasn't even been a blink in my eye until as of a month ago when I was banned from a large 18+ VRChat discord because I affected P's "moderator's relationship" with A (get this: I was doing moderation duties, and informed P of A's cheating, as well as A claiming that they were not in a relationship with P at the time. Btw, P was the one who told me to investigate this, and was the only one who knew? lol ok, I'm the bad guy btw)
I don't dislike or hate them like they seem to claim to say, nor have I ever had the time to talk about them (because I simply do not care about them, I have person-object-permenance), but it's now drawing to a point where this incessant negativity toward people entirely unrelated simply for being friends with me is making me severely uncomfortable. If that's their intent, ok, you win, can you stop now?
I'm recognizing this pattern for what it is: someone who either lacks self-awareness or is deliberately choosing to cause disruption. The daily messages to our friends during their recreational time feel intentionally designed to create stress and division.
It's becoming clear that some people process their own mistakes by creating external conflicts rather than doing internal work. I've been focus on protecting my energy and supporting my friends who are caught in the middle of this unnecessary drama.